Honesty and Intimacy

Photo Taken By:  A. A. Harrison

Photo Taken By: A. A. Harrison

Intimacy means being real, but not always being nice. We live in a world of appropriateness and politeness where we have all culturally agreed not to make each other uncomfortable or press each other’s buttons. This habit of holding-back creates insipid and stagnant relationships. I don’t want you to hide the truth from me when you see me behaving smaller than I really am.. I want your challenge, your insights and above all your ruthless honesty.  —Jamie Catto

Yesterday I met a handyman that instantly earned my respect.  You could tell he was a hard worker and life choices had not been kind to him.  But . . . he was brutally honest when it came to what he wanted sexually from a woman.

He wasn’t a good looking man but he wasn’t an ugly man.  His clothes had been stained with various shades of paints and grime from handyman jobs.  He was missing teeth and the teeth he had left needed to be cleaned.  He didn’t have an offensive body odor nor was he wearing good smelling cologne.  He had great conversation which was a sign he was a man of knowledge.  But, again, you could tell his life choices had not been kind to him.  Yet, stood this man of average height and a small body frame with integrity.

According to Dictionary.com integrity is defined as:   Adherence to moral and ethical principles; soundness of moral character; honesty.

Soundness of moral character” that is what the man displayed.  After he was not given an option to save his marriage of 25 years, he became hurt beyond his ability to reconsider marrying someone else.  As a result he has decided to stay single.  It has been over a year since he had sex.  He is not looking for a woman.  However, should he stumble upon a woman he is attracted too he only wants exclusive sex without commitment.

I was speechless!  I could not believe a man would have the cojones to tell a woman he wants exclusive sex without a committed relationship.

Hummm . . . His words caused me to wonder if most men feel like him but the fear of going without sex keep them from being honest.  Oh!  Wow!  Not only does the handyman have integrity but he has courage.  What a man!

As my son’s I would love for people not just women to say about each of you what I just wrote about the handyman, “Oh!  Wow!  What a man!”

I don’t want your sexual desires to denote you but I want you to define them.  I want you to be as honest with women as you would want women to be as honest with you.

Though the love you will receive from a woman can not and should not be compared to the love I have for you as my sons, I don’t want you to act reckless when it comes to discerning the feelings of women.  Also I don’t want you to act desperate for love because you are loved.  Therefore, you know love first hand.  And not only do you know love but you have experienced unconditional love all your lives.  So please be cautious when you enter into relationships and remember honesty and intimacy go hand in hand.

Love,

Mom

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