Saturday’s Message From Mom: Learning What You Have Lived

Photo by Vision Photography Studio

Photo by Vision Photography Studio

My loves, something was expressed today and the actions of others made me think of my once bad parental skills.  Though those days are so far removed from me I can remember them as if they had happened today.  Usually people write I remember such and such as if it happened yesterday.  But I chose to write as if it happened today because the experiences dealt with the most precious people in my world.  You!

Never does a day go by when I don’t ask God to help me be a better mom.  Never does a day go by when I don’t pray that God will guide and protect you on your life journeys.

But as a once young mom I stumbled upon the below poem by Dorothy Law Nolte, PhD.  The poem was an instant hit with me.   It helped me to accept the failures of my parents.  It helped me to forgive them by understanding they were and are human.  And in turn I was able to see the beauty in parenting each of you as you embarked upon life.  The poem taught me I was not the model mom and as a result there would be a chance you would not be the model children; but I could parent each of you without destroying the essence of your being because I was older and wiser.

Happy reading.

Love
Mom

Children Learn What They Live

If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.
If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.
If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive.
If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves.
If children live with ridicule, they learn to feel shy.
If children live with jealousy, they learn to feel envy.
If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty.
If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.
If children live with tolerance, they learn patience.
If children live with praise, they learn appreciation.
If children live with acceptance, they learn to love.
If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves.
If children live with recognition, they learn it is good to have a goal.
If children live with sharing, they learn generosity.
If children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness.
If children live with fairness, they learn justice.
If children live with kindness and consideration, they learn respect.
If children live with security, they learn to have faith in themselves and in those about them.
If children live with friendliness, they learn the world is a nice place in which to live.

 

So You Have Fallen Down . . . Remember

It’s hard to beat a person that never gives up.  ~Babe Ruth

Photo Taken By:  A.A. Harrison

Photo Taken By: A.A. Harrison

Perhaps your nose is bloody.  Then again it could be your chin was peeled.  And maybe you could have scuffed your elbow(s).  Or you possibly removed some skin from your knee(s).  But, now, you must find the strength to pick yourself up, dust yourself off in the midst of pain and the feeling of defeat!

Never stay down!  Because, if you stay down, people will come along and walk on you and or over you.  Remember that!

So get up!  Stop your nose from metaphorically bleeding, put a bandage on your metaphorically wounded chin, elbow(s) and knee(s) and keep striving for your dreams.

Love,
Mom

The Prayers of Black Women: The Story of A Blind Girl

Black Women Have It Going On

THE STORY OF A BLIND GIRL

There was a blind girl who hated herself just because she was blind. She hated everyone, except her loving boyfriend. He was always there for her. She said that if she could only see the world, she would marry her boyfriend.

One day, someone donated a pair of eyes to her and then she could see everything, including her boyfriend. Her boyfriend asked her, “now that you can see the world, will you marry me?”

The girl was shocked when she saw that her boyfriend was blind too, and refused to marry him. Her boyfriend walked away in tears, and later wrote a letter to her saying:

“Just take care of my eyes dear.”

This is how human brain changes when the status changed. Only few remember what life was before, and who’s always been there even in the most painful situations.

Life Is…

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When You Hunger For Success

Nothing was more upsetting than the day I realized I had to cut the umbilical cord and allow another one of my son’s to venture into the world unprepared for life.  As your mom that was the saddest day for me!  I fought a good fight!  But the natural instinct to be a man won over the wisdom of a loving mother that desired successful son’s.

With a downcast heart I’m using this moment to write about a recent conversation I had with one of you.  I am sadden from hearing the news that one of my son’s has chosen to become a petal blowing in the wind.

I realize the methodical move of your brother to surface is a cry for help.  However, at this time I must sit back and allow his choices, his consequences, and his failures to teach him what I could not.

I have taken him as far as my love, my knowledge, and my life experiences could carry us both as parent to child.  Now he must learn what it truly means to be hungry for success if he plans on making something of his life.

Love,
Mom

I Can Teach You How to Think But I Can’t Tell You What to Think

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. ~Philippians 4:8

find your way . . .It has been more than a decade since I took a course titled “Critical Thinking.”  Strangely during this time I questioned my ability to reason with sound logic.  My soul longed for character building substance that denoted I was a person of excellence; but I was a young woman making foolish decisions.  Sadly, I had no one to teach me how to think.  Instead I had people telling me what to think.

Their thoughts were not my thoughts.  Because of my youth their thoughts only confused me as a young woman and hindered my search for truths that characterized my existence.  As a result I had sex too young, got pregnant too young, married too young, divorced too soon, worked dead-end jobs, cultivated and nurtured a destructive disposition as I made myself a sacrificial lamb.

Looking back over my life I realize had I been taught to think for myself I would have made the following choices:  I would have moved to Europe.  I would have gone to school and pursued my degree in fashion design.  I would have worked hard to market my creations.  I would have made a name for myself.  I would have made a positive mark in the world by pushing the envelope when it came to inspiring women to discover their personal style.

So with that written, I must write had I been taught to think for myself I could have become my prima donna.  I could have had less sleepless nights over financial matters had I thought for myself.  I could have given each of you better educations had I thought for myself.  I could have brought the family home in a more affluent neighborhood had I thought for myself.  I could have taken us on mini and big vacations had I thought for myself.  I could have done a lot had I thought for myself.  Instead, I was isolated from enjoying life because I had been taught my thoughts were not my own!

My personal experience has become a natural maternal instinct to teach you to think for yourselves.

My dear son’s I don’t want you to place prominence on your color nor your gender.  But who you are in essence should always be spiritually a badge of honor.  Always be aware of your thoughts.  Always talk less.  Always listen intently.  Always notice who is doing what (good or bad).  Always notice who makes you feel good about you being you.  Always notice who makes you feel bad about you being you.  Always notice the person that follows the natural laws of  humanity and the laws of man and always notice who breaks these laws.  But most importantly always protect you mentally and spiritually.  You only get to live a wonderful life once so live it in grand style!

Love:  Mom

Intimacy Has Boundaries and Remember That!

Artist:  Tess Lee MillerDearest Sons:

Today I was watching “Toddlers and Tiaras.”  During a commercial break the television station was showing previews for an Amish reality show I use to watch.  The first time the commercial aired I heard the host say something to this affect:  He was upset with you because you slept with him.  Because I was slightly preoccupied with something other than watching the commercial I didn’t get to see who the host was referring to; therefore, I was wondering who the “him” was that committed the offense!  Then after the host disclosed the cheating woman’s infidelity, the wife puts her head in her hands and displays remorse by crying.  As my cousin always says, “There’s a dead cat on the line.”   

Now that I am considered a seasoned woman because of my age, family position and life experiences, I must write I don’t know if I would trust the tears of a woman that has moral issues when it comes to relationship boundaries.  Well any-who-how . . .     

To reel-in viewers for next Sunday’s show the television station aired the commercial again!  This time I was determined to see the face of the person who slept with the married woman.  Drum roll please!    

And . . . The other man was her husband’s brother!  What the hell!  Oh!  My!  God!  

It is clear to see from what took place the cheating wife and her husband’s double-crossing brother has boundary issues!  It is also clear to see from the previews that the husband took his unfaithful wife back.  Truly the husband suffers from self-esteem issues!  [I am shaking my head at the whole mess!]  

Character is higher than intellect.  A great soul will be strong to live as well as think.  ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

This is my message to you my dear son’s . . .

Women are a dime a dozen when it comes to intimacy.  My words are not written to cheapen women for I am a woman.  But I am writing to remind you that you are brothers bound together by blood, my blood.  There is no woman or man born that should cause you to betray, disrespect, or be unkind in deeds to one another.  You are brothers!  Intimacy has boundaries!  Remember that!      

 

  

Honesty and Intimacy

Photo Taken By:  A. A. Harrison

Photo Taken By: A. A. Harrison

Intimacy means being real, but not always being nice. We live in a world of appropriateness and politeness where we have all culturally agreed not to make each other uncomfortable or press each other’s buttons. This habit of holding-back creates insipid and stagnant relationships. I don’t want you to hide the truth from me when you see me behaving smaller than I really am.. I want your challenge, your insights and above all your ruthless honesty.  —Jamie Catto

Yesterday I met a handyman that instantly earned my respect.  You could tell he was a hard worker and life choices had not been kind to him.  But . . . he was brutally honest when it came to what he wanted sexually from a woman.

He wasn’t a good looking man but he wasn’t an ugly man.  His clothes had been stained with various shades of paints and grime from handyman jobs.  He was missing teeth and the teeth he had left needed to be cleaned.  He didn’t have an offensive body odor nor was he wearing good smelling cologne.  He had great conversation which was a sign he was a man of knowledge.  But, again, you could tell his life choices had not been kind to him.  Yet, stood this man of average height and a small body frame with integrity.

According to Dictionary.com integrity is defined as:   Adherence to moral and ethical principles; soundness of moral character; honesty.

Soundness of moral character” that is what the man displayed.  After he was not given an option to save his marriage of 25 years, he became hurt beyond his ability to reconsider marrying someone else.  As a result he has decided to stay single.  It has been over a year since he had sex.  He is not looking for a woman.  However, should he stumble upon a woman he is attracted too he only wants exclusive sex without commitment.

I was speechless!  I could not believe a man would have the cojones to tell a woman he wants exclusive sex without a committed relationship.

Hummm . . . His words caused me to wonder if most men feel like him but the fear of going without sex keep them from being honest.  Oh!  Wow!  Not only does the handyman have integrity but he has courage.  What a man!

As my son’s I would love for people not just women to say about each of you what I just wrote about the handyman, “Oh!  Wow!  What a man!”

I don’t want your sexual desires to denote you but I want you to define them.  I want you to be as honest with women as you would want women to be as honest with you.

Though the love you will receive from a woman can not and should not be compared to the love I have for you as my sons, I don’t want you to act reckless when it comes to discerning the feelings of women.  Also I don’t want you to act desperate for love because you are loved.  Therefore, you know love first hand.  And not only do you know love but you have experienced unconditional love all your lives.  So please be cautious when you enter into relationships and remember honesty and intimacy go hand in hand.

Love,

Mom